Up and down

Isn't it interesting how easy it is to fall into victimhood in this life?

I've previously never really had any issues with my self image or how successful I was in any field of my personal life. Literally zero worries. And I've always known it's been projecting distorted previews of peoples lives. But since reels became popular in Instagram I've been obsessed. And following accounts with huge following and such a wholesome content I can't help but feel like... all of a sudden, I'm not enough? I know people seem to have it all figured out and they're making their passion work for them but what to do if you're subconsciously full of fear and can't let go of your day-to-day job and immerse yourself fully into your talents and passions?

I've had to stop myself so many times before I said something super depressing, talked myself down or despised the situations I've put myself in. Because I've created all of this in order to learn from this and fully experience every aspect of life. Because everything is actually SO well. I wonder if everything is actually so good and I create this conflict in my head as a response for ego's need for attention. Ego doesn't want you to flourish because then you're going to abandon it. And it's super afraid of its own death.

Plan is to get more into the drawing, painting, hiking and photography. Because they make me so happy and I'm not sure why I jeopardize my happiness by not doing these things more often.

I choose my own reality.

I forgive myself for thinking I'm not good enough

I forgive myself for over-working

I forgive myself for feeling heavy

I forgive myself for my indecisiveness

I forgive myself for feeling guilty of not being physically there for my family

I forgive myself for creating I life I'm not fulfilled with

I forgive myself for my lack of motivation

I forgive myself for being afraid of the future

I forgive myself for seeing past better than it actually was

I forgive myself for thinking I've got nothing to offer

I forgive myself for putting my body through stress

I forgive myself for stressing about things that are out of my control

I forgive myself for not having energy to stretch and meditate every day

I forgive myself for eating heavt foods when my body craves light and fresh

I forgive myself for feeling deep into everything