Moments in time

Wow...

For most of the 2020 I've had an incredible balance in my life. As Darius Rucker lyrics say- "between the work and the hurt and the whiskey". There was a balance just in between them and of course life itself and true heartfelt happiness too. And wild trips. And independency resulting in shedding everything that wasn't truly serving me and was hiding my true being. Realizations about the fuck-ups in my past -where I never blamed myself- were hundred percent MY fuck-ups.

A massive energy shift took place when I took responsibility for my reality, fully accepted my past mistakes, hurts and regrets. Nothing even had to be released. Our journey is not something we can just stash away or let go of. Acceptance of it is the key for me. I truly want to believe that I know better now.

Looking back where I was last December compared to now...

I was back at home in Estonia, still had blue braids in my hair from our Thailand trip. We were helping my dad in the forest, chopping firewood, binge-watching Jonna Jinton's youtube and Edge of Wonder TV. Waiting for the snow to fall, celebrating Christmas with my family, unaware that it'll be the last time in this lifetime I would ever play violin for my grandmother. Borders were open and world wasn't in an idiotic panic state yet. I was completely unaware what's just around the corner.

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Fast forward to now

Floating in the pool, it's midnight and rain is gently falling on my face. I've made peace with the fact my life isn't figured out. Taylor Swift dropped her second album this year and it's magic.

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

Past the blood and bruise

Past the curses and cries

Beyond the terror in the nightfall

Haunted by the look in my eyes

That would've loved you for a lifetime

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

- T.S, happiness

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I feel like I've travelled more in 2020 than I've ever done before. Which is strange because there has been no international travel whatsoever. Queensland is an amazing state to live and wander in, if it wasn't, I'd be long gone.

I've gone from enjoying my home to living on a yacht for a fleeting time to buying 2 swags to spend incredible nights away, camping in the bush as much as humanly possible. Way too many isolated rockpools have seen me skinny-dipping.

And let's not forget about the fact that I've put myself through an immense pain to get my whole front tattooed. In fact, it's not even fully ready yet. One of these random ideas that I made into reality straight away.

I've been working like a dog for the entire year, but it ramped up especially bad in the past month. To put it mildly... It's been mental.

I've climbed mountains. So many of them. And every single one brough me closer to myself. My legs have done more steps than I've ever thought was physically possible for me. My body is stronger, my eating habits are no longer restricted, I started to listen my body more and it's been performing amazingly since.

I've met and managed to keep people in my life who are just beautiful to their core, to their soul.

I found myself an amazing UFO to keep me occupied with. She's called RAV Vast E-Low Pygmy

I've started investing not only in myself but in actual stocks too. I'm reading, self-educating, meditating and true- stressing and being in the verge of burning out too. But it's all part of it.

And the truth is,

I wouldn't change a thing.

And I'm so grateful.

Love,

Jane