A good fight

We must never stop dreaming. Dreams provide nourishment for the soul, just as meal does for the body. If we don't, our soul dies.

The good fight is the one we fight because our heart asks it of us. The good fight is the one that's fought in the name of our dreams.

 We turn against ourselves and do battle within. We become our worst enemy. We say that our dreams were childish, too difficult to realize or the result of not having known enough about life.-P. Coelho, The Pilgrimage, p. 56

WE KILL OUR DREAMS BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID TO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT

Because we don't want to see life as a grand adventure we begin to think of ourselves as wise, fair and correct in asking so little of life.

Victory or defeat isn't important. Important is to fight. And you too, have to learn how to fight the good fight. You've accepted the adventures and challenges that life provides but you still want to deny anything that is extraordinary

I know how amazing and fulfilling it is to be alone and do whatever the hell I want to do but the truth is that I've kept running my entire life. Especially from relationships and even friendships. My issue seems to be a massive swing from crazy self-love and -hype to thinking I'm a piece of shit within short time span and dropping people I actually love. I'm trying to get people see their own beauty and abilities but don't focus on mine at all. Digging a metaphorical ditch and throwing myself into deep end of it is a common practice. Effortlessly too. How is human brain capable of such self-destruction? Not physically, but mentally. My physical world is in such a mint order. Or is it just the free will showing that we legit have free pass to do anything with our lives and minds. And I'm consciously willing to put effort in to change because the wild and uncontrolled behavioral loops won't bring me the life I want and deserve.

It's the action and vision that will keep moving me forward from now on. That's a promise to myself.

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.”― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

At the end of the day, I guess it does not matter if I feel like I belong, how much do I earn, what do I wear, how productive I am and what other people think of me. If my soul is in peace, then everything is absolutely fine and will sort itself out. I need to get out of Universe's way of working things out for me and create frustration out of thin air. It's super easy to get used to living like this but I know deep in my heart it is not the only option. Even though life might be easier alone, it wouldn't be half as magical without the people I have in my life now.

Everything is good and I am blessed every day, but I only see and feel it when I put my focus into it.